So I am finally doing what I was hoping for ever since I started to feel normal post my delivery...after 1 year and 5 months of staying at home...I am back to work...same work I wanted to run away from at one point of time...same corporate culture I cribbed about..but when it happened to me this time I was grateful..Grateful for it gave me a new spark...boosting up my confidence that I can still get a job..my skills are not as useless as I had started to feel about them...I can still earn enough to shop..travel..raise my kid and still save a bit...it was a wonderful feeling!!
1.5 years back I left all of this as I wanted a content life...do what I love...spend time with family..bla bla bla...I wont say I don't want to do all this any more..I do but I totally have realized over this period of time that everything is good but in a reasonable proportion...like too much of work is bad..similarly too much of family time isn't good either...as it gives you a lot of time to analyse the flip side of it all...you start seeing the gaps in your relationships..which otherwise you won't really have time to notice (which I now feel is a good thing....somethings are best ignored)...n it just eventually boils up to never ending frustration as other people around you are too busy to notice these things and there you are feeling sad about your life!!
But once you are a working mom...there is no time...absolutely no time for anything...and which may be challenging in terms of ensuring you give proper time to your kid...do well at work along with all the other responsibilities...it keeps you healthy...mentally...it keeps you distracted and you prioritise and spend your time and energy only on important things or rather necessities...ok this may not make sense right away but I can bet you will connect with me as we go along!!
So I love being a working mom because:
1. The best thing to happen once you start working is that you cherish all the time you get with ur kids...which while being a stay at home mom is more of responsibility ...here you wait to meet ur kids post work...you imagine what they will be doing when you are away...you miss their laughter..as humans we all have this tendency that when we stay apart from people we miss them...we value them more and vice versa...I see that difference in my 1 year old too....the happy hug he gives me when I am back from work...OMG...I so badly wanted it when I used to see him do the same to his dad..
2. I get time to think about myself with a direction...unlike the pity me phase while I felt I have no future...It feels great to have new goals in front of you...to see that you are doing something for yourself...that your existence matters (esp when you see a 100 mails if you miss office 1 day).
3.It stimulates my mind...meeting new people...learning new things...polishing my old skills...it gives an incredible kick when you get praised for something at work....you miss these things when you just end up staying at home...
4.The money...getting that message saying xxx amount has been credited to your account every month...its sheer bliss...until I manage to set up something of my own which brings in some regular income I am more than happy to get my salary every month...which is like a reassurance I can do whatever I want...I totally had it in me but now I have the money too!!
5.I wake up and I have some motivation to get ready...look good...take care of myself...another thing which I had given up all together while being at home...I had no routine...no motivation to wake up except offcourse when the baby was up and crying...not exactly a motivation there but duty calling...but I love getting ready for work...I have always been that person who has loads of clothes and here I get to use them...and like any normal person it makes me feel good!!
I miss spending time with Riaan but I'm glad whatever time we get now is far more valuable to me than ever...and thats what I cherish the most.I love this new confident person in me who inspite of all the dilemma in my mind manages to take care of all that has to be done.
Here's to this new me - a better me!!
