Being a Working Mom

So I am finally doing what I was hoping for ever since I started to feel normal post my delivery...after 1 year and 5 months of staying at home...I am back to work...same work I wanted to run away from at one point of time...same corporate culture I cribbed about..but when it happened to me this time I was grateful..Grateful for it gave me a new spark...boosting up my confidence that I can still get a job..my skills are not as useless as I had started to feel about them...I can still earn enough to shop..travel..raise my kid and still save a bit...it was a wonderful feeling!!

1.5 years back I left all of this as I wanted a content life...do what I love...spend time with family..bla bla bla...I wont say I don't want to do all this any more..I do but I totally have realized over this period of time that everything is good but in a reasonable proportion...like too much of work is bad..similarly too much of family time isn't good either...as it gives you a lot of time to analyse the flip side of it all...you start seeing the gaps in your relationships..which otherwise you won't really have time to notice (which I now feel is a good thing....somethings are best ignored)...n it just eventually boils up to never ending frustration as other people around you are too busy to notice these things and there you are feeling sad about your life!!

But once you are a working mom...there is no time...absolutely no time for anything...and which may be challenging in terms of ensuring you give proper time to your kid...do well at work along with all the other responsibilities...it keeps you healthy...mentally...it keeps you distracted and you prioritise and spend your time and energy only on important things or rather necessities...ok this may not make sense right away but I can bet you will connect with me as we go along!!

So I love being a working mom because:

1. The best thing to happen once you start working is that you cherish all the time you get with ur kids...which while being a stay at home mom is more of responsibility ...here you wait to meet ur kids post work...you imagine what they will be doing when you are away...you miss their laughter..as humans we all have this tendency that when we stay apart from people we miss them...we value them more and vice versa...I see that difference in my 1 year old too....the happy hug he gives me when I am back from work...OMG...I so badly wanted it when I used to see him do the same to his dad..

2. I get time to think about myself with a direction...unlike the pity me phase while I felt I have no future...It feels great to have new goals in front of you...to see that you are doing something for yourself...that your existence matters (esp when you see a 100 mails if you miss office 1 day).

3.It stimulates my mind...meeting new people...learning new things...polishing my old skills...it gives an incredible kick when you get praised for something at work....you miss these things when you just end up staying at home...

4.The money...getting that message saying xxx amount has been credited to your account every month...its sheer bliss...until I manage to set up something of my own which brings in some regular income I am more than happy to get my salary every month...which is like a reassurance I can do whatever I want...I totally had it in me but now I have the money too!!

5.I wake up and I have some motivation to get ready...look good...take care of myself...another thing which I had given up all together while being at home...I had no routine...no motivation to wake up except offcourse when the baby was up and crying...not exactly a motivation there but duty calling...but I love getting ready for work...I have always been that person who has loads of clothes and here I get to use them...and like any normal person it makes me feel good!!

I miss spending time with Riaan but I'm glad whatever time we get now is far more valuable to me than ever...and thats what I cherish the most.I love this new confident person in me who inspite of all the dilemma in my mind manages to take care of all that has to be done.

Here's to this new me - a better me!! 

Finding "Light" in the darkness!

I had been wondering about my way forward for a while now and post some weird reactions from consultants and that pointless interview I had last month...I was not too keen to get into a full time job as of now...there would be endless pressure and no flexibility for me to take care of my little one.I had been reading about these employee friendly policies all these companies have but I didn't seem to find even a single place which could help me right now.That's when my Dad came in with a proposal which made a lot of sense.

He has his own set up and we had been talking about getting into it since quite some time but for me as person it always seemed like a Big step...I mean I had never really imagined myself running a business...I'm not even sure if I'm any good at it...working under someone and running the show yourself are two completely different scenarios but my Dad assured me - we can always take one step at a time.Since obviously he knew my situation and he being my Dad gave me complete freedom in terms of working from home and coming to his office when I could manage. It was like that light at the end of a tunnel...I finally had work in my hand...and what better than your business.

You may feel I took the easy way out...I myself had this feeling for quite sometime but now when I look back I am sure I took the right decision...as when I look at Riaan do all these crazy things the whole day...I do not want to miss these moments which now feel like slipping away...this time with him is going to be my precious set of memories to look back and smile :) I realize it every time I see my husband struggling to take out time to be with us...and I have this chance to live my life the way I wish to live right now then why not...and I am seizing the opportunity!

So to begin with I decided to visit my Dad's office to better understand the whole business model..meet the team and then begin with work.It was a Monday...I was super charged up as I was getting ready for work after a good whole year almost...with my enthusiasm all over my face I was ready before time.I was using the Metro again after a year and I never knew it could give me such happiness to travel in these crowded trains but I was loving every part of this day...I managed to grab a cup of coffee too on my way...reaching office...meeting everyone...discussing what I could start with..wooohhooo...it had been quite sometime since I felt so good about myself and my life :)

Then again...the phone rang..it was my MIL checking by when will I reach home..it seems Riaan wasn't too happy being left alone at home...I was like ok...I'll wrap up soon and be back as early as possible.By the time I reached back...it was 5 and the moment I entered...I was told how badly he had missed me and he was cranky the whole day...I wouldn't have been surprised if until that day I had got any credit for keeping him happy or if anyone would have acknowledged the fact that he has any special connection with me - me being the "Mother"...it was always his Dadi or the maid at home or his Dad or his uncle or his aunt...basically everyone except me...who could bring a smile to his face...I was just someone who helped him sleep. So when I heard this I was kind of shocked...I just wanted to ask that howcum this happened overnight?? 

As a mum I obviously felt bad that he cried but I knew for sure that he will not cry for me that badly...it could be one of his cranky days and I had a strong feeling that they didn't want me to go to work this early...which was coming across quite strongly by the way my MIL tried to convince me on how everybody she knows had advised her to tell me that I should not work until Riaan turns 1.

I got Riaan to our room...he slept off almost immediately and that's when I cried ....this whole thing seemed so unfair...I had an equal right to work just like my husband...I am choosing to be at home for most times to make sure I am giving my complete attention and love to our baby...but even if I try and figure out a way to create an opportunity for myself working from home...I will need some support...but I seem to have none.Everyone is concerned about how disturbed my husband's sleep is and then he has to work...but nobody cares about me who stays up night and day to take care of the baby.

I called up my mum...I badly wanted to just hug her tight and cry...but I couldn't...told her about the way things were at home and she as always made me feel so much better..she told me to start things a bit slow...like take out 2 hours a day when Riaan is sleeping initially...then gradually increase the time once you get better at managing work along with him...at first it seemed like an impossible thing...like how can you just start working at any time of the day and end it abruptly as soon as your baby is up...but when I started doing it...it worked for me.This way I wasn't asking for any favors from anyone...my baby had me around him and I got to start something that gave me a purpose and financial independence back.

My life was getting back on track slow and steady and I was realizing how at times our destiny leads us to things we had never imagined to be doing and doing well at that!