All this while my life was taken over with Riaan and his stuff - I had no routine like I mentioned before - I could hardly plan anything thanks to unpredictability babies are blessed with and the expectation everyone had around me - that I should just be happy being with him and nothing else matters beyond that - but now it had started to get on my nerves!! I mean ok so I have a cute little baby and I love him but I can't just do that the whole time - you need to do some work or something that makes you feel like a normal person.
I remember having a conversation with my husband one day before I had left for my mom's place - where I mentioned to him that I had never felt this low in life and in comparison to the same time last year (when I was attending my training for TFI Fellowship - which was like a completely exhausting but enjoyable experience for me) this felt all the more depressing - staying at home the whole day and just watch the baby sleep! He was shocked to hear that - he was like LOW?? :O and that was when I realized that he has no idea whats it like to do this - full time. I'm sure there are mom's who love to do this - and I totally respect them - that is something I lack - but for me this was not as rosy as I had pictured it and to break this monotony was important.
So all this time at mom's place - all the sleepless nights with Riaan - there was this constant thought in mind - what should I do??It was too soon to go back to a job, studies is something I have zero commitment for and honestly with a small baby it did not seem like a great idea...hobby classes or may be join a gym - get back to fit - were some options I had.But off course these things are easier said than done...the moment you propose such ideas - first question - who will look after the baby - he needs you - you're the mom! Like I did not know already :D ....so I decided on a simple thing to do for myself - something I did during my pregnancy as well - go out once a week - do what you like - even if its for an hour or two...just do it.This has always worked for me and this time too it did wonders to my self confidence.
The first day I went out - I decided to go alone - ordered a yum chocolate brownie shake for myself - opened my Lappy and updated my CV. Now this gives you some boost in terms of feeling good about yourself...I thought it will anyways take time for me to get a job (now with more ifs and buts from both sides ;) ) so I should keep my CV ready and post it on all the job sites and update my Linkedin just in case some opportunity comes knocking - I should be ready for it (I'm still waiting for that knock though :D) - I was being over optimistic off course!
That was first time out by myself after almost 3 months (I wasn't allowed to travel alone starting 8th month of pregnancy) and it felt awesome - almost like orgasmic awesome - I wanted to just stay out - feel like a normal girl who does not have to worry about her baby waking up for milk or changing his nappy - I can still feel the happiness I experienced that day! I missed on clicking a pic - I should have as a memory :) but for now we'll do with the yummy shake's picture!
This was followed by a superb weekend - which included shopping and a movie (anything that makes you get out of the house is superb once you are a stay at home mom). We took Riaan for the shopping trip - this time my hubby was all enthusiastic to take charge and I was more than happy to let go :D I can bet you know what it is like - set me free feel! I ended up buying clothes which were almost skin fit for me hoping that i'l reduce and fit into them comfortably in the months to come - I'm still trying to get to that perfect size (it seems never ending at times) but I loved it. Shopping was like giving me a new high everytime I indulged into it - it was like all the restraint I had maintained in the last couple of months was being shattered - I wanted to buy everything I could lay my hands on...and it was crazy - I looked at my hubby and Riaan waiting in one corner of the showroom - I loved my babies for being extremely patient <3
I was looking forward to the coming week - we had finally found a maid to baby sit - I was glad to find someone who could help me get some time off and help me start with something I would like to do!
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