The rainy season was here...with much respite from the scorching heat...and a crazy rainy day with Gurgaon almost drowning...it was fun time for Riaan...watching the rain...feeling the rain drops on his face through the window...he was loving it!!
Whereas I have been a selective rainy season fan...like I love rains when I'm happily tucked in my cosy bed and watching it through my window but I hate it when I'm out (especially while going to work) and stuck in traffic...hence - SELECTIVE! This year, I had another big reason for hating this season - as Riaan fell sick!!
So far he had been all good...no health issues...and I was hoping to sail through the rainy season too.Since by now he had got a bit more easy on the crying bit...I figured out a Volunteering opportunity for myself at the School where I used to teach while working with TFI.It was to be for a month...3 days a week and only 2 hours a day which sounded reasonable. I was hoping that this will somehow help me form a routine with Riaan - he will get used to being without me and eventually I should be able to join regular office...but that was "My plan"!
The first day I went to school...Nostalgia hit me big time...the school door...kids running all around....meeting my kids (now in 6th std) was absolutely over whelming...I was genuinely touched by the way they jumped in excitement looking at me...I thought they must have forgotten me by now but I was elated to be proved wrong this time :D my kids were super happy to have me back and I couldn't have felt better!!
I was supposed to work with the lower order kids to help them cope up with their current syllabus and make them reach to the desired reading levels...something I always wanted to do during my fellowship but I guess my tenure was too short to plan much around this. I thought this would be my opportunity to make a difference in some way and live up to my commitment which I had to leave mid way.It all started off really well...I had worked out a plan...making sure we make continues progress.
The very next day I got to know my Mom was down with Chikungunya and she could barely get up from the bed...I had to be there so School took a back seat but what about Riaan? I obviously could not take him with me...I was afraid he might catch infection and leaving him behind for a whole day was unthinkable those days.I was in my teary mode again and I remember Riaan looking at me puzzled...wondering what's wrong with mommie?? Guess being a Mom makes you excessively emotional...the crying was becoming a norm now and Riaan was my shoulder to cry on...a magical hug from him made me feel calm and I decided to talk to my mother in law..if she could look after him for half a day...I'll atleast go and see my mom and see what I could do best given the circumstances.
Earlier my hubby had got the same fever and I knew it was painful...which is why I wanted to be around my mum...I spent the day with her...I think having your kids around has an amazing healing power and my mom was feeling much better and I was glad I came...when I headed back home I was thinking to visit her again in a day or two post my school.By the time I reached home...Riaan was quite cranky and I just took him in my arms and came to our room...he had been up the whole day...refused to sleep without me and the moment he came to me...he slept...it was just woww...how they do these things...making you feel so special at times...their whole world wrapped up around you!
The next day I went to school again...my kids obviously curious to know why I missed the other day...and all excited to learn...these couple of hours in school had started to make me feel motivated about life again...my purpose was coming back to me and it was all looking perfect.Once I reached home...I noticed Riaan was coughing more than usual but no signs of distress so I didn't give it much thought...but that night his cough became really bad...and he started crying badly even in his sleep due to the cough...without any further delays we took him to the doctor the next day and OMG...there was this big que of parents with their sick children there and I was like...what if he catches some infection right here.
Paranoid parents...yes we were that...and once our turn came to see the Doc..he told us he had some chest infection...we had use a nebuliser to get rid of it and well...no one could ever prepare us for what it was going to be like...
Riaan looked like this cutest astronaut wearing it and he was like so amused with this thing on his face that he refused to take it off the first time...and we..the paranoid parents didn't really know how to use it at first...so we had put the medicine inside it and plugged it back...it was running for good 15 minutes but the medicine level stayed the same...and we were like is it even working?? Finally we googled and checked on you tube to realise we missed on putting one part while closing the tube and now Riaan's action seemed even funnier since we realised the medicine was not even coming out until now...what the hell was he so amused with?
It went on for the whole week...he was happy to put the nebuliser on but the sad part was he wasn't able to sleep...this congestion was taking a toll on his breathing and it used be so hard for us to see him like that...but I must say he is one mighty spirited boy...as it did not stop him from smiling often to make us feel that "Mumma I'm ok!!" He definitely created a scene taking his medicines orally...esp the nasal drops..but we somehow managed to win and feed him those.His appetite had gone really low..which meant he used to wake up often at night as he was hungry but he couldn't drink much milk at one go as he was breathing mostly with his mouth.
If my mum's sickness made me feel bad...Riaan's gave me jitters..I don't remember being so worried for anyone in life...not even myself and seeing him suffer made me forget how sleep deprived I was when he was waking up every few minutes at night...Yes there were days where irritation took over and I felt when is this going to end (the human in me took over the mom) but I knew now that nothing in this world is going to effect me more than my baby..his health came above everything to me right now...I had to leave the school stint yet again in between...by the time Riaan recovered their exams were starting which meant no classes.
My mum was always consoling me to not feel bad as I couldn't be there for her when she needed me as well...I guess cos she understood what it's like when your own kid is unwell...I'm sure I gave her ample opportunities to experience that!
But in the midst of all this...I was also realising one thing which was like the silver lining amidst the dark grey clouds..that no matter how bad I felt...how broken I felt...however hard the times were..whenever I looked at Riaan..it gave me immense strength to keep going...it was like a power that used to trigger inside me...that I can't let this break me...I need to be strong for my baby...I need to be calm...his smile...his hugs made this time bearable...and I knew I have this friend for life who will hold me whenever I need him...who will never let me give up!
And this friend was to be my partner in crime in our next adventure where we travelled to Chennai - just the two of us..which came as a shock to many in the family...but it turned out to be an exceptionally good trip and I knew my baby is all set to explore the world with me :D
To be Contd...
