Finding "Light" in the darkness!

I had been wondering about my way forward for a while now and post some weird reactions from consultants and that pointless interview I had last month...I was not too keen to get into a full time job as of now...there would be endless pressure and no flexibility for me to take care of my little one.I had been reading about these employee friendly policies all these companies have but I didn't seem to find even a single place which could help me right now.That's when my Dad came in with a proposal which made a lot of sense.

He has his own set up and we had been talking about getting into it since quite some time but for me as person it always seemed like a Big step...I mean I had never really imagined myself running a business...I'm not even sure if I'm any good at it...working under someone and running the show yourself are two completely different scenarios but my Dad assured me - we can always take one step at a time.Since obviously he knew my situation and he being my Dad gave me complete freedom in terms of working from home and coming to his office when I could manage. It was like that light at the end of a tunnel...I finally had work in my hand...and what better than your business.

You may feel I took the easy way out...I myself had this feeling for quite sometime but now when I look back I am sure I took the right decision...as when I look at Riaan do all these crazy things the whole day...I do not want to miss these moments which now feel like slipping away...this time with him is going to be my precious set of memories to look back and smile :) I realize it every time I see my husband struggling to take out time to be with us...and I have this chance to live my life the way I wish to live right now then why not...and I am seizing the opportunity!

So to begin with I decided to visit my Dad's office to better understand the whole business model..meet the team and then begin with work.It was a Monday...I was super charged up as I was getting ready for work after a good whole year almost...with my enthusiasm all over my face I was ready before time.I was using the Metro again after a year and I never knew it could give me such happiness to travel in these crowded trains but I was loving every part of this day...I managed to grab a cup of coffee too on my way...reaching office...meeting everyone...discussing what I could start with..wooohhooo...it had been quite sometime since I felt so good about myself and my life :)

Then again...the phone rang..it was my MIL checking by when will I reach home..it seems Riaan wasn't too happy being left alone at home...I was like ok...I'll wrap up soon and be back as early as possible.By the time I reached back...it was 5 and the moment I entered...I was told how badly he had missed me and he was cranky the whole day...I wouldn't have been surprised if until that day I had got any credit for keeping him happy or if anyone would have acknowledged the fact that he has any special connection with me - me being the "Mother"...it was always his Dadi or the maid at home or his Dad or his uncle or his aunt...basically everyone except me...who could bring a smile to his face...I was just someone who helped him sleep. So when I heard this I was kind of shocked...I just wanted to ask that howcum this happened overnight?? 

As a mum I obviously felt bad that he cried but I knew for sure that he will not cry for me that badly...it could be one of his cranky days and I had a strong feeling that they didn't want me to go to work this early...which was coming across quite strongly by the way my MIL tried to convince me on how everybody she knows had advised her to tell me that I should not work until Riaan turns 1.

I got Riaan to our room...he slept off almost immediately and that's when I cried ....this whole thing seemed so unfair...I had an equal right to work just like my husband...I am choosing to be at home for most times to make sure I am giving my complete attention and love to our baby...but even if I try and figure out a way to create an opportunity for myself working from home...I will need some support...but I seem to have none.Everyone is concerned about how disturbed my husband's sleep is and then he has to work...but nobody cares about me who stays up night and day to take care of the baby.

I called up my mum...I badly wanted to just hug her tight and cry...but I couldn't...told her about the way things were at home and she as always made me feel so much better..she told me to start things a bit slow...like take out 2 hours a day when Riaan is sleeping initially...then gradually increase the time once you get better at managing work along with him...at first it seemed like an impossible thing...like how can you just start working at any time of the day and end it abruptly as soon as your baby is up...but when I started doing it...it worked for me.This way I wasn't asking for any favors from anyone...my baby had me around him and I got to start something that gave me a purpose and financial independence back.

My life was getting back on track slow and steady and I was realizing how at times our destiny leads us to things we had never imagined to be doing and doing well at that! 

Our 3rd Anniversary!!

Back in the hotel...post some disappointment we decided to just chill...we ordered some snacks...playing with Riaan we spent a nice evening in our room..wondering how to plan for the next day. All our lavish plans to go around were totally curbed...we had to plan smartly...go short distances...look for any cues of trouble and rush back if needed asap! By the time we slept it was midnight already...I had totally forgotten about our anniversary (yeah!!...thats what happens when a baby comes around....all you remember is the baby's vaccination dates...rest all is history).

Somewhere in the middle of the night when I woke up to feed Riaan...my hubby wished me and I was like shit...it had totally slipped my mind...and then I remembered our last anniversary...we were in Pune...meeting after a month (I was in a training program hence Pune) we had gone to Mahableshwar for a day trip...the light drizzle...soothing breeze...and clouds all around us...we were 2 carefree souls...just chilling...eating and roaming around the whole time...nothing over the top romantic cos both of us are horrible at it but definitely fun given our love for food and travel! Cut to present day - Riaan in my lap..no plans for the next day...I'll be glad if we could have a decent lunch in peace...Life certainly has changed :) but then I looked at this cute smile he had on his face and I felt nothing can beat this for sure!

So finally our anniversary day...I did make some effort to look better :P you know you do not want to look like a zombie on special days..atleast not in the pics for sure and till then I didn't know there are apps which can transform the way you look (else I would have taken the easy way out) so I took out a dress I bought recently...checked myself in the mirror like 10 times..took some selfies (mandatory) and then we were ready to go out.

We had decided a visit to a famous shop - Gulabchand (I obviously had to do some bit of shopping) and then lunch at Spice Court. The shop experience turned out to be quite surprising with Riaan fascinated with all the colors around him..he was happily having his milk while I was choosing suits and kurtis.I was happy to see he has great shopping instincts in him...which was confirmed every time I took him shopping post that so I'm lucky that ways :)

Then at Lunch I was really happy to see the setting of the restaurant we had gone to...it had a traditional feel to it and the food was amazingly yummmm!! For a change Riaan was happy to sit in his pram while we finished our lunch with a sigh of relief.We took some desserts on our way back to the hotel - as a mandatory cake would have been too much for both of 2 finish on our own and we had to do something to make the day feel like we are celebrating...so a yum cookie crumble cheese cake portion  - the 2 of us with our baby...a perfect moment of togetherness!

Like I said in my earlier post...with a baby your equation with your spouse certainly goes through a lot of changes but what matters the most is that both of you adapt to it and make it a point to make your limited moments together special...we may not get time to talk often but whenever we do...the affection we have for each others needs to come out else it makes the other person feel like he/she is not important any more to you...I was happy to see my husband making it a point to do this little celebration for us...it meant a lot to me. And he being He...we didn't click any pics...but I for sure will remember this as a beautiful memory.

This being our 3rd anniversary was by far the most important for me...we had coped up with a major change in our lives and we still were happy together...playing our new roles as a parent but still holding on to the love we had for each other with as much warmth as before.

My Journey of Motherhood - Jaipur Trip with my little one

I checked my whatsapp messages...it was my friend from Jaipur...asking if we could meet her tonight...I was in a fix..wondering will it be wise to go tonight...considering we are taking a 5 hour journey already plus a schedule change for Riaan...I asked my hubby and he was as always cool about it :)...So I thought lets give it a shot...and worst case if Riaan acted too cranky I could make him sleep at her place so it wasn't that big a risk :D

So we already had a dinner plan...we reached jaipur around noon...I was starving by the time we reached...but before we eat we had to settle Riaan.It was shower time for the baby...and mommy and daddy were in charge today :P and it was so much fun.I was bathing him for the first time...I held him in my arms and my hubby used the handshower with very light water pressure and wowwww...Riaan was smiling..eyes closed and that look of contentment! It's one of the best things with babies...see them take a bath..as they grow up they tend to enjoy it more and more and it's a sight to watch...babies splashing water all around...shaking their legs...that bubbly smile..it's our favorite time together!

Once Riaan slept off..we ordered lunch and I hogged like I had not eaten in days...the food was yumm...chilli garlic noodles..very spicy but hard to resist. We decided to take some rest before we go out in the evening but I was too happy to sleep...so in quite a long time I thought of reading..I was carrying a book...I ordered some tea for myself...lying on the couch with a book..was like my dream come true :D 

Before I could realize, it was time to go...I got ready which majorly meant me assessing what makes me look a little less fat...when you are meeting your old friends..a part of you feels like looking the same way you used to..but off course that's so not possible...but you try to be close.So..

Riaan ready - Check

Milk bottle ready - Check

Diapers - Check

Wipes - Check

Warm water - Check

Formula - Check

With our priority list handy...we left for my friend's place...after some confusion with google maps..we finally found her place and wowww...it was so good to see her..her little baby tucked in her arms...sleeping like an angel...and thats when it striked me...it had been sooo long...we are meeting as mothers...God! So as both of us were new mom's most of our discussion revolved around the same...some facts..some comparisons and some advice :) That's the thing....discussing you baby with your friends is so exciting..they don;t lecture you...they don't judge you...they are just happy for you..only if we lived closer.Then came our newly married friend..well ...and what a transformation I saw in her...make up, designer dress, straightened hair...and she was one of the most laid back girls back in college...least bothered about her looks..man that was some change.

Offcourse Riaan had to intervene to make his presence felt...but he was a good baby...didn't trouble me much...just had his milk and slept...before we realized it was 11:30 already and I was like it;s better we leave before he wakes up and gets fussy.See another change...meeting your friends after so long but all you worry about is your baby's sleep and you're scared of his tantrums! That pretty much sums up how we felt through out our trip.

The next day we decided to go out around lunch time...after Riaan had his nap...we shortlisted Laxmi Misthan Bhandar to try the famous Thali...it was right in the middle of a market but it was a Sunday and the shops were mostly closed...all my shopping instincts came to rest and I focused on food instead which was yum.Through our lunch...we kept on taking turns to keep Riaan entertained but God..eating out with that young a baby is not that easy for sure...they can get disturbed with any noise...they want to go out when you want to sit and eat...they just want you to leave what you are doing and do something else.

By the time we left...we were too scared to venture out further...heading back to the hotel felt like the safest option and thats what we did. 

My Journey of Motherhood - Week 11 contd. - Anniversary Trip

Moving on from that weird meeting...I was looking forward to our Anniversary trip...it was our 3rd anniversary...I was really excited...the last 1 year had been much of a test for both us..I mean me and my husband..all these changes happening around...his job kept him extremely tied up...I had more than enough time (during pregnancy) and now with Riaan with us..we hardly got time with each other.

It's seriously weird the way your equation changes once you have a baby...n that too if you are staying in a joint family..people tend to think that it helps to get some time off...but I think it's the other way round...you are always surrounded with people...so there are days when you wait to spend some quality time with you better half but before you know it...you have other people coming and playing with your baby in your very room and all you can do is smile at them :) I mean it's nice of them to be so loving towards the baby...but at times I really feel that how difficult is it to understand that the new parents should also get some time together - I think it's a basic requirement and if someone is genuinly concerned about you - he/she will understand this.I didn't remember the last time me and my hubby had a meaningful discussion about each other...it was always about Riaan and if not that, then the family in general...it was as if we were losing each other in this whole new set up.

I was not liking this change so this trip was a much needed getaway for me.We were going to Jaipur...I had a couple of old friends to meet there...I had some shopping plans in my mind and just some good time for the three of us.But before we get to that - we had a different scenario when it all started. So like on our trip to Agra, my parents had accompanied us, my in laws were supposed to join us for this trip.Honestly at first I did not like the idea - I mean come on it was supposed to be our anniversary trip - I wouldn't have wanted any set of parents or anyone else to be with us - infact if I had a choice I would have wanted to leave Riaan behind as well...just for a day...I just wanted both of us to be together...just as we were before the baby! But...off course..not possible.

So just 3 days before the trip...due to some work my in-laws had to stay back...and the devil inside me was secretly happy...( I know I sound horrible but it;s the truth)...it was such a comforting thought...it's finally just us...I surely wouldn't have had any issues any other time but on anniversary trips - it has to be just us.

I did get a bit nervous about handling Riaan all by ourselves...but it was far more exiting so we just happily got all set to go.Luggage in the car....baby and mommie in the front seat along with dadda and we went off.Unlike the Agra trip...Riaan refused to sleep in the car this time...which meant we had to keep him engaged constantly with something...like my hand movements...changing his position...pointing to things outside...and his toys! I think that is what had me tired...so somewhere in the middle of the way...I decided to go to the back seat where I will be able to put him down for a while and give my arms some rest.

Luckily to my comfort he slept off for while I was feeding him and I got some time to just enjoy my ride...I love doing that...watch outside in silence...just look at the beauty of the scenes around...absorb the stillness and just relax.I have always loved traveling and now with a baby it was a different experience..but moments like this still made me feel the same satisfaction as before...just as a little girl how I used to love it...I could do it for hours together :)

I was going to jaipur after good 5 years...was about to meet 2 of my friends...one of them after almost 8 years...yeah that long...and we both have had our babies in just about a gap of 1 month...was really exited to see her little doll...and you know it's quite exciting when you meet your long lost friends with their babies :D the other one had just got married (I had missed the wedding due to my pregnancy)... Haaa...I had this faint smile thinking about our prospective meeting and that's when my phone buzzed!

My Journey of Motherhood - Week 11 - Reality check time - Mommy Profiling

Once the colic phase had passed - I got a chance to discuss this job opportunity (well you can say prospective opportunity as nothing was in hand yet) with my mum.The reason I wanted to ask her was that I felt I might be too desperate to jump on anything that can take me away from home at that moment...I might think very selfishly and I didn't want to take a decision in any haste.I had started to feel insecure about how will I be able to cope up with a job if I take a break for too long...and I did not want people at home to take me for granted...which tends to happen when you are a stay at home mom.

Mumma was clear as always - she told me to join only if I think I will be able to manage both work and the baby as this was the time my baby needs me the most...once he grows up he will not need me as much but now was the time I had to focus on him more than anything else....job can wait...but she said if you get a good option in terms of work flexibility there is no harm in joining...which made me feel better...it eased out the desperation in me and made me calm down and think with a cool mind.at times you get so carried away with your personal insecurities that you tend to overlook the obvious...which was exactly what I was doing.I had to stop....give my best to my current priority i.e Riaan and rest everything had to managed where in I can give quality time to him and manage my work along side.

So clear in my mind I called up the HR guy hoping to discuss the same with him but Voila....the job was already taken and he said sorry mam...for a second I went back to my old self blaming myself for missing it out...then I took a deep breath...recalled what mum told me and I said to myself - it's ok...may be for the better...I just need to relax...enjoy these moments I have to chill with Riaan and we'll get back to work when the time is right.(But this keeda to go out and do something was there in me bigitme...so eventually I tried a lot of things..but that comes later)

Surprisingly I got a call from the HR guy again 2 days later and he wanted me to come and meet their function head...and I was like wasn't the opening closed already...to which he said...our VP wants to meet you and I was like ok...(my hopes were high again :) so I got ready to meet...feeling a bit guilty already about leaving my baby behind for a job which was still not exactly mine but you know that feeling when you are suddenly positive about getting what you want.I reached their office waiting for the "Boss" to come...and Wooowwww...he turns out to be my ex-boss from an organization where I was working before I worked for Citi.Aaaahh....that's why he wanted to meet me...my hopes were all the more high now...he knows me...he called me to meet him...probably he will give me the job I thought....but well our conversation went something like this:

ME:Hello sir! Wow...It's you?? It's so good to see you after all this while. (I had to lie...trying to please the ex-boss to convert him into my current one ;)

HIM:Hello :) oh Yes! the moment I saw your CV I just had to meet you. But as sources tell me you have a small baby...how do you plan to work now?

ME:I have support at home sir...should be able to manage but I will need some flexibility from your side too.

HIM:Hmmm...ok..so since we have worked together and you are well aware of the kind of profile we have...I don;t think we need to discuss anything else. So what are your expectations in terms of CTC?

ME: (Jumping out of joy...wow...ctc...he is going to hire me for sure) well I would say at least a 40% hike (I wanted to give it a shot...I'm a horrible negotiator but I had to take a chance)

HIM: (eyes wide open) what?? who gives 40% hike...the max we can offer is 30%...plus you were on a break since almost last 1 year...that gap will effect your performance

ME:SHOCKED...(it took me a while to comprehend this) this gap certainly does not effect my experience or my skill when it comes to the work I have been doing for past 7 years...

HIM: (being diplomatic) hmmm...let me see what we can do...are you sure you will be able to manage to give the kind of work commitment required here...you have a small baby?? 

ME: sir...as I said I might need some flexibility but I can assure you I will not let it hamper my work.

Meeting over...he asked me to check with him on the job status by the end of the week. In my mind I was sure he will not give me anything...the way he brought up these issues like one year gap and work commitment with a baby...I mean I never really understood why the hell did he even call me for a meeting.

This meeting taught me something - what working mothers go through - even if they leave behind everything and just stick to work they are still questioned about their sincerity and work commitment...I never see that happening with a father.It was a reality check for me that it will not be easy for me to find a job on my terms but nevertheless I won't give up. It also lead me to do some research on how things are otherwise with new moms when it comes to finding jobs and thats when I came across this phrase - "Mommy Profiling"! Mommy Profiling is defined as "employment discrimination against woman who has, or will have, children." So yes there is a real thing which has a problem with women being mothers..not just in India...it's prevalent across the world...and I thought we are moving towards equality..yeah right...in my dreams I guess!

When I got back home...I looked at Riaan and I hope he never has to face these kind of people (which is inevitable I know)...I just wanted to keep his innocence intact...he had started to smile now and that sweet genuine smile...I did not want it to go away ever...and especially not because of these goons.

My Journey of Motherhood - Week 10 - Enters the monster - Colic!!

Colic - one word every new mother has heard of but you never expect it will happen to your baby...natural human instinct...we always wish the best things to happen to our babies and the worst to stay away! So when Riaan had his first colicy episode - back in Agra (remember the crazy crying) - I had no clues what it was and the last thing that came to my mind was colic.We had happily come to my mom's place post our Agra trip - I wanted to discuss this job thingy with my mum and obviously its always good to be back :)

Since we had started to travel with Riaan now, I was hoping this week to be much like normal where I will be able to go out for a while..meet some friends and basically spend some happy time!The day we reached we were all too exhausted so we slept during the day but the very next day my little one had a scary surprise for me. He wasn't sleeping...like a max 20 min nap after bath and he was fussy for no reason...I thought may be he is finding this place new so he is not comfortable...I tried my best to comfort him...I stayed around him all the time...but no...he was still cranky.

On thing that always worked was carrying him in my arms...it was working now too...but the problem was that the moment I was keeping him down he was crying like crazy...I was like whats with him...why has he turned into a howling baby all of a sudden?? My mom suggested to give him some boiled water with fennel seeds (sauf ka pani as we all commonly know it) which should help if he has some gas. Now babies are known to be gassy...they pass a lot of gas and which is supposed to be good and healthy...but obviously if they do not pass it then it's a sign of trouble..so I tried that...he had the water but no result.

After a while we tried giving him milk...he had his usual quantity and was asking for more...so my mum said may be he is hungry and he has been crying for so long...you should give him more milk...so I did...and wow he had double the  quantity he usually has...but he was suddenly like extremely quite...no sound...no crying...nothing..but still peace is better than a wailing baby so I was like cool..may be it was just hunger.Then in less 5 seconds of me thinking ...he puked like really badly...and the crying started again this time with more rigor...and I was like shit...what the hell is wrong with my baby?? Before this I was quite irritated with him but when I saw him puked up and so uncomfortable I started to worry...I obviously understood he is not enjoying this for sure (which I was thinking earlier...you tend to get cynical about your babies listening to their endless crying at times).

That is when I first realized that it might be colic.I had his colic drops handy and I gave him that....it took some time but he got a little better in a while...but he still was not his usual self.That was one one of the toughest days for me in the entire tenure of me being a mother till now...I was so scared for him and I didn't know how to comfort him...when he finally slept for sometime I did all the research on Colic - high time.

So what is colic?

Colic is uncontrollable crying in an otherwise healthy baby.A baby is considered colicky if he's younger than 5 months and cried for more than 3 hours in a row on 3 or more days a week for atleast 3 weeks (phew!).Colic isn't a disease and won't cause your baby any long term harm, but it's a tough thing to go through for babies and their parents.

How long does it last?

Colic tends to peak around 6 weeks and then improves significantly between 3-4 months.By 4 months of age, 80-90% of infants are over colic.

Tips to deal with Colic:

• Lay him across your lap and gently rub his back

• Apply Heeng (Asafoetida) on his tummy (around his belly button)

• Try infant massage

• Soak him in a warm bath

• Put a warm water bottle on your baby's belly

• Have him suck on a pacifier

• Use White noise to sooth the baby

• Use colic drops (as prescribed by your Doctor)

What worked for me was Heend, warm water and massage along with colic drops.

The reason I have made this one more of an informative entry is because I had a really hard time dealing with this and I would want to share all the information which helped me during that phase.Like in Riaan's case that entire week - almost 4 days at a stretch we faced this problem and it takes a toll on you when you see your baby crying that badly - after a point I just wanted to shout and cry myself...I had run out of patience.

I remember calling my husband and just venting out my frustration on him...he was patient enough to listen to me and that's a big help...I just needed to let out all the irritation which was built up during the day...we used to have long discussions on what could have possibly caused it.We decided to take him to his doctor once I was back home.

Finally on friday we had a normal evening...we were all too scared to believe it...he didn't cry but we were fearing it might happen any moment...it was funny how this little fellow had scared us that bad!I don't think I can forget this week ever...experiencing such fear and worry at the same time along with crazy levels of frustration - I felt like I'm so done with babies - and if any one dares to suggest me to have a second one I am just going to burst out in anger and slap that person really hard.Something like this chic below :D

Colic does that to a mom :) but always remember - be extremely patient with your baby...try the remedies listed above or if you have any other option  - try that out and do not hesitate to check with your doctor - I am not aware if there is a way to prevent colic - couldn't find anything - but we surely can deal with it and help our babies feel better :D

My Journey of Motherhood - Week 9 - Our First Trip - AGRA (Part -2)

The good thing about a sleeping baby is that you can pose with him easily and he'll still look adorable...and you can always use him as a cover up for your belly :P I had always adored the Taj but this time it was different...no crowd...peaceful and that early morning bliss adds magic to the whole scene...but we had a sleeping baby and before he woke up we had to head back to the hotel - no don't judge us yet - the moment he used to wake up in the morning back then - he used to be crying for milk - we had that handy - but there was no guarantee that he'll stop crying even after having milk - I blamed him for being moody back then but who knows what goes in their mind and why they cry non stop when they do....so to avoid that...we rushed back after roaming around for about half an hour.

Reaching the hotel - we went straight for breakfast - again taking turns to supervise Riaan - by then he was up and was having his milk - and I had become proficient in eating at jet speed - like just put food in the plate and gup gup gup - finished...back to baby....there was a time when I used to love taking my time especially when it came to buffets...I used to take my time to chose what I want to eat...try new stuff...give an exceptional amount of time and space to deserts but now it was all gone...and I think a couple of years to wait before that can happen again :) till then we'll enjoy eating at lightening fast speed and watch our babies eat with their face covered with food :D 

On our way back to our rooms - my mom dad took care of Riaan giving us some time to relax and get ready for the day - mum said she'll bathe him and I was like plzzz...thank you...what will I do without you mommie :( No really...that's exactly how you feel...it almost is like you are a baby again seeking help from mom for everything...I slept for good 2 hours and I had a shower in peace after 2 long months...and it was WOW!!! I have always loved staying in hotels...it has a special feel about it...they are meant to chill and now I was doing that :) but then I felt guilty for leaving everything on my mom so I pushed my lazy bum towards her room and what do I see...my little munchkin was all ready and dressed to go out!

When I say out it was only for important stuff like eating....but this time he was easy....he slept in my arms on the way and we had our lunch happily...I enjoyed my meal like never before...we had a south indian meal - I had my favorite curd rice and it was yummmm....alone with Ice cream soda...ummmm...I just want to freeze that moment in my mind right now...rare moments in a life of a new mom...eating in peace and feeling good about it :D happily we returned back to the hotel hoping that if Riaan gets a proper sleep now..we should be able to take a round of the city in the evening..atleast something to do before we leave the next day....but he did not sleep well....he was up by the time we reached our hotel and did not sleep for a minute the whole time.

By the time it was evening...we went ahead with the plan...moved out thinking worst case we'll head back if gets too cranky.Now in AGRA you don't really have much to do during evenings....so we just went to their main market...which meant some shopping...its famous for footwear and that is what we got along with "Panchi Petha" :) Riaan was patient till about time he felt his mom and naani might just spend their entire time shopping if he did not interrupt (plus I can bet he could sense there was nothing for him so he was Jealous)...we rushed towards the car..his milk handy...in his mouth but he didn't want any...and the moment we got in the car he started crying like really badly.

First I felt may be he got scared as it was dark inside the car but even after we put on the light he was still crying so loudly and I was scared as to something really uncomfortable is happening to him...I started feeling guilty for keeping him out for so long and then my mom came up with "Nazar lag gayi hogi" angle...I absolutely do not believe in this stuff but when you see your baby cry this bad you almost are on the verge of believing it.We hurriedly had our dinner on the way and rushed back to the hotel...I tried to soothe him...carried him in my arms for a good amount of time but his crying did not subside...I was getting super worried...he had never done this before...was it because of the vaccination?? was he too tired?? was it really nazar?? I was clueless as always...I again felt like a bad mom who doesn't know how to take good care of her baby :(

By the time he slept off in my arms I was exhausted myself...we both just crashed on the bed but he kept on waking up every 2 hours during the night...and my exhaustion level kept on rising...by the time it was time for us to leave the next day...I felt I should just let everyone else go and I should stay back to sleep!! 

On our way back I was just thinking  - wether it was a good a idea to have taken this trip?? I mean if you think from a normal person's perspective - like me before being a mom I would have called it a disaster...I mean we were practically grounded in the hotel for most of our time...why travel to AGRA to do that..yeah...but as a mother I think I felt a sense of accomplishment - our first trip together as a family...we did some blunders yes but we had our good times too....I was better prepared for our travel next time and I guess even Riaan would have learned something (Hopefully)...we made some amazing memories and that counts! so yes...cheers to more trips with the baby..we had one more in pipeline now  - JAIPUR for our anniversary!!