With the insecurity taking over, I was losing track of time as well. Effectively I felt I don't do much in a day...but still I had no time for myself.Even though the baby slept most times during the day the moment I used to think of having a cup of tea or any meal he used to wake up and started crying :(
I had no clues how on earth did he sense that his mom wanted to relish a cup of tea and relax.There were times I felt is he doing it deliberately and then I was like he's too small to try these tactics :P There were times when I used to gulp my tea in 5 mins flat fearing the baby will wake up and my warm tea will turn into Iced tea by the time I get a chance to get to it and I hated this part.I love having my morning tea in peace...relishing every sip...just looking out of my window/balcony and this now was an absolute luxury for me and I was waiting for the day I would be able to do this again.
During my break time - when some other family member used to take him with them, I used to just lie down on my bed like dead meat. I had no energy to do anything - I used to just drag myself to take a shower, rush through a cup of tea/meals, pump out milk for him and get ready again to take over the baby.
At times I wonder how do people manage babies when they have no support system...I can't even come to think of it...I was going mad with half a dozen people to help me at home!To top it all you end up seeing pictures of these celebrity moms who look perfect...and here we have no time to look at our face properly in the mirror. In the first few days I don't remember giving more than 5 mins to myself when it came to deciding on what clothes to wear or how to do my hair...there was no time to think of all this, no energy and no interest also.
Coming to looks - thats another area which needs attention...so obviously post pregnancy your belly is still out...your skin is a bit lose and this whole crazy routine takes a toll on your face...dark circles....dull skin..there was one particular day when I managed to look at myself properly in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw...and I did not want to accept this change. I know many people say that embrace the change your body goes through during pregnancy...but I did not want to take it as an excuse and ignore the way I look.
I could barely do much about my belly and lose skin back then unless I got a go ahead from my doctor for some work out but I started to make sure that I take care of my skin.Dark circles would be difficult to deal with until the sleep problem is solved but I can surely do something to make things better for myself. So drinking water, getting back to my night time skin care routine, cleaning my face with Rose water, face wash then moisturizing, once the baby slept were steps to begin with and it made me feel good!
It was also time to decide a name for the baby since we were supposed to have a havan (a ritual as per hinduism) to name the baby.The letter decided was "R" and all of us had started to search for names.We came across quite amusing names on Google like "Raees" meaning rich to Raaakaa which sounded like a villain's name out of some 90's Bollywood movie. After much discussion we all agreed to name the baby "Riaan" which meant "Little King".I just loved this name the moment my sister in law suggested it...you know that feeling when you think that this is just perfect :)
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