10 Sep'2015 - "Congratulations!! You are pregnant." I didn't know how to react when I heard this.I had done the pregnancy test at home..not once but twice...and it came negative then how come this news?? I smiled :) ....but inside I had a storm hitting me so hard - do I want this baby?? Am I really ready for this? Will I be able to continue my job? A thousand questions were running inside my head but there was this tiny viny bit of excitement too. Having a kid was on my agenda and I was hoping to have one by next year...the news came a bit too soon but I knew my family would be elated nevertheless.
We were traveling to Udaipur the very next day and man it turend out to be the weirdest holiday ever for me...I probably turned into a super obsessed with my baby's health kinda woman overnight...which meant I was excessively careful about the food I had....the places we went to....i didn't want to exhaust myself too much...somewhere in my mind I had this voice constantly reminding me that Hey!! you better take care...n which meant a screwed up the holiday for me and my husband and it was just the beginning of a looongggg patient journey till I meet my baby and life (so i thought then) will come back to normal :D
2 weeks later - I went for my first ultrasound to check the baby's heartbeat (where the doctor kept on referring to my baby as "The Fetus" which sounded like some disease I had and I seriously wished to tell her...can we just call it the baby which is less scary) and my God it was scary...I mean it is seriously weird to actually realize that there is a living being right inside you and you practically have 2 hearts beating inside your body...it can be quite freaky...but at the same time reassuring that things are well...the baby is healthy..growing just fine and yes this is happening for real. I missed my husband being by my side then - and thats when I decided he has to be with me every time I am going for these check ups.
By about 8 weeks of pregnancy - Life had changed considerably...all my travel plans for the year were shelved...I could barely eat anything as the food tasted horrible and I had no clue why...I had religiously followed the doctor's advice to not eat junk food and no coke...and my God I never knew I'l miss having coke/pepsi that much ever in my life!!
Coming to the serious part - the tough decisions - I had to take a call to discontinue my fellowship - my dream job... waited 5 years to do this but given my health condition it wasn't advisable to strain myself through it and that was the first time I actually somewhere deep inside my heart - regretted this decision - but it was happening and it made sense to go ahead with it considering I was anyways on a break from my real job (corporate - well paying job) and probably it was the right time so have a baby given my age (30+...rings a bell for most ladies)
After some conflict in my mind...I went ahead and discussed it with my school team and eventually announced it to the my kids in school that I'll be leaving..it was tough....like the toughest resignation ever for me...it felt like as if my life was slipping away from my hands and I don't know when will I be able to regain control again.I think pregnancy makes you very vulnerable at times..the hormones...they do some big time mess in your mind and your emotions are out of control..everything you experience is like magnified to a whole new extent which makes it all the more challenging to cope with these changes.
It's so Refreshing to read whatever you write :-*
ReplyDeleteThank you mishraaaain <3
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