It had been good 4 months...one whole month at home and my mind had turned into a churning factory of useless thoughts...I missed my carefree life...the intimacy I shared with my husband and our freedom to travel the most! We used to go out on weekends...watch movies...go shopping together but there was something different in our relationship...thats when I was coming to understand how important physical intimacy is in a relationship...you need that warmth...you need to feel desired.There were days I just felt like crying when I woke up - the whole day ahead of me seemed liked a giant which will crush me...I was lonely...I desperately wanted someone to just be there and listen to all that was going inside my mind and I just wanted to cry my heart out but not alone...
After endless pondering and depressing chain of thoughts... something inside me said ENOUGH!!...I better take charge of the situation else I will lose myself completely...and thats precisely the day I felt my baby kick the first time too...it was like a sign that even he agreed to this...it made me feel alive and that was it...To begin with I decided to go out atleast once a week on my own - either to meet a friend or if there;s no company go by myself but I had to be out to breathe....staying in all the time was suffocating me.
The good news was I had my little sister visiting me around the same time and a long time friend...so that gave me something to look forward to...it motivated me to take care of myself to make sure I'm all healthy and fit to stick to my plans and I had to look good...I still remember the day 3 of us ( me and 2 of my sisters) met at one of our adda's - a beautiful cafe - the day was crazy..we were together for good 5 hours at the same place...talking non stop...laughing like maniacs and just ordering things...after a long long time I was feeling like my old self again...happy...just plain happy!!
The following week I met my friend...after a good long time and the thing with meeting old friends is that every time you touch back on old times - you are transported to that era...it's so refreshing.. you just want the time to stop so that you can relive those moments yet again...a little longer :)
So while Friends/sisters, Coffee and Outings were working their magic on me...and just when I thought I was finally gaining control on my emotions...there was a situation back home.
My mum met with an accident..nothing major thankfully but she had fractured her rib and was not in a condition to get up. So I packed my bags and rushed to her place...worried...anxious....wondering how will I be able to help her??I had to take care of the household work ....which meant I had to wake up early...inspite of the sleepless nights...but to my surprise it actually made me feel so good...I just felt so light...just like old times...I guess it wasall the time I got to spend with my mum and it was the first time I got to spend 10 days with her after I got married...it made me feel like the girl I was before marriage happened...except for my swelled belly which acted like a reminder that - Hey Girl!! this is just temporary :( ..I wish I could have just stayed there.
In the middle of all this I got another great news that one my childhood friend's was also expecting and was due around the same time as me...I mean isn't that so coool and exciting....she was in town and we finally met...and imagine 2 chuddy buddys meeting as preggos...how much they'll have to talk...we were sharing every bloody detail of how things were progressing with our babies...and it continues even now :) She delivered her baby 5 days before me...and I am just waiting to watch both these boys together...they almost look similar too :D
By the end of the second trimester I was finally much more calm and in control of myself...and I totally owe it to my friends and family who showered all their love and affection on me and most importantly they gave me their time...to my baby who reassured me he's with me with his constant kicks...it was indeed a beautiful feeling...I remember waiting for his kicks post my meals and before I slept at night...it made me forget all my fears and "Happy and confident" me was back!!
Awaiting the baby to come out.. :-)
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