It was the day I was to be admitted to the hospital…My mom had
come over to our place….jokes were being cracked about how none of their
“nuskhas” had worked on me…secretly I was glad it did not…I was to see the
doctor in the afternoon for my check up.
Little did I know it will be a trailer to the series of events
about to follow….I went to the doc…she asked me to remove my lowers so that
she could check me internally…my eyes had suddenly popped out…internal checkup…I
had heard about it but so far I had been lucky enough to escape any such
scenarios but I guess it was time now. I tried to breathe and let her do
what was needed….but Ouuuucccccchhhhhhhh…Mannn this was bloody painful…I felt
this sudden sharp pain…I almost let out a cry...and as per the Doc she had hardly been able to check
anything…and I was like what??? but it was so painful..sorry :(
That was when I had started to realize that I do not think I will
be able to make through a normal delivery…I’m just not ready for it.
The Doc called my mom and Husband inside to explain the procedure
and she also told my mom to prepare me in terms of delivery process and the
pain involved…but somewhere I had already decided in my mind that I don’t want
to go through any of it…I was really scared now.
So at night when I was finally taken to the hospital to get
admitted…I was feeling a bit relaxed…thinking we will see whatever happens…I
had tried to calm myself down and focus on the task at hand…the baby should be
out safely.I had imagined myself pushing the baby a few times like they show in movies and every time I used to just shoo away the picture.
We got our room…I settled on my bed…they got me sandwiches and juice and it felt nice..but then started the never ending
intrusion of nurses followed by doctors…and I was absolutely shocked by the invasion of
privacy…some random nurse would come and suddenly start removing your pants
like its like the most normal thing in the world...and all you can do is look
shocked and nervous about what next are they going to insert in your bum or
through your pelvis...this was berserk...where is that Man who lead me to this??
In my case...the process started like this :First they had to
attach the monitor to keep a check on baby's heartbeat and contractions – trust
me the heartbeat sound is no less than like a train passing by in full force…we
could barely sleep that night with that thumping sound – followed by a dose of enema right through my
but and I was like shit....then it was induction time...OMG and little did I
know it will be as painful as that earlier round of internal check up – I had
the same reaction – like some reflex action – that’s when I got my second
warning “You cant handle 2 fingers in there….how will you push a 3.5 kg baby
out” and I was like yeah that’s exactly what I am thinking…and that was it…in
my mind I had decided I’ll go for a c-sec…I do not want a normal delivery….I
was scared that if I happen to react the same way on the delivery table…my baby
is going to get stuck and I did not want to harm him cos I had issues dealing
with this pain. My baby’s safety will be assured in a c-sec and that’s the only thing that
mattered to me.
I was told to wait till next morning - to see if I get contractions else the doctor will recommend what is to be done next...the whole night I was praying that I should not get any contractions...though everyone else around me was hell bent on a normal delivery but I somehow felt so unsure about it that I did not want to take any risk and now it didn't matter what others wanted or thought was right.
The following morning...I was given a glass of juice and post that I was told to not have anything...that was a sign...they had also decided to go for a c-sec since I did not get any symptom of Labor or contractions...I told my mum what I had decided and she supported me...she knew me well in any case so thought it was best for me...Once the doctor was in...she asked me if I wanted to try induction again or if I would consider taking a break for 2-3 days and go for induction then to try for a normal delivery...I was like NO...I'm not going through this again...I know I won't be able to handle it...lets just get the operation done and get the baby out safely.I think everybody around me was a bit disappointed by this but I knew that what I am doing is right for me and my baby.
Around noon the nurse came in to take me to the OT...thats when I gulped to reassure myself..it will all be fine...I sat in the wheel chair and we were off...once in the OT...I had left myself in the hands of the people around...I did not want to think about anything...the injection in my back was bloody painful ....I was almost shivering by that time and I was really scared looking around the place...after I lied down I don't remember much except when the Doctor asked me - if I was feeing ok..and I could barely say Yes...and then she said "you'll hear the baby cry in 5 mins" and I was like yeah...like its that easy huh...but OMG!! It indeed happen...I did hear the cry in just about 5 minutes...and what a relief that cry gave me...I think I would have smiled a bit listening to it...I think I did :)
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